Settling for "Good Enough" or Stretching to Become the Best You?

Last week I made the decision to lose 15 to 20 pounds. I got fed up with feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, which are fitting me too tight lately. I knew I was gaining weight; I let it happen. I was not happy about it, but I wasn't motivated to make the necessary changes to get what I wanted. It wasn't until it occurred to me that I was settling for my new, not-improved, bigger girth that I found the missing willpower to do something about it.

This week I started the South Beach diet plan. Today is my fifth day and I'm doing all right. Am I tempted to eat some chocolate or Cheetos? You bet I am. I haven't given into those temptations, however. The plan is not that difficult, at least for me. Also, I have the support of my husband and friends who are encouraging me. Most importantly, I have made a fundamental change in my attitude that helps me keep my promise to myself to stick to this new eating plan:

• I refuse to settle for my new size.
• I am determined to fit into my beautiful clothing (I will not shop for bigger clothes).
• I already see myself as the size that is best for me.

You're probably wondering: What has this got to do with dating? OK, I'll tell you what I think. People often talk about "settling" for less that what they require for a relationship to work. They end up with someone they cannot be happy with. They act the part of the victim, staying, perhaps because they don't want to be alone, or they fear moving on because they'll have to start the process of finding someone all over again.

They settle for less than what will work for them. Then they make excuses as to why they won't end the (perhaps unbearable) relationship. One big problem for them is that they haven't even figured out what their requirements are for a relationship to work, so if they do move on and find another potential partner, they repeat the same patterns.

If you're sick of settling (in dating or any area of your life) and ready to make a change, I encourage you to:

1. Make a plan for what you do want. Get detailed. The more specific you are, the more real your plan is going to be for you.
2. Tell someone about it. A support system of family and friends will help you stick to your new plan. They can give you valuable insights and encouragement.
3. See yourself as having already achieved this new plan. Visualize it. What does your life look like, feel like, and sound like? What new things are you doing? How do people respond to the new you?
4. Affirm yourself daily. Give yourself a pat on the back for each step you've taken toward you plan.

I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. Why do people settle? How has settling interfered with you getting what you want? How have you dealt with "settling" in your life? What do you want to do differently now that you've considered how settling is affecting your life? Stretch and become the best you. I know you can do it!

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC

Your Successful Singles Love Coach