Are You Too Picky?

Some well-meaning people, usually people who are already in a relationship, may tell their single friends that they are "too picky." What does this mean? What is the opposite of "too picky," anyway? If you are not picky, does that mean you'll settle for the first one who comes along, regardless of whether s/he meets your requirements?

Sometimes when you're frustrated, you may think desperately. You may be willing to settle, at least in theory, until someone sets you up on a blind date with someone who is totally wrong for you. Hopefully, alarm bells will go off at that moment to remind you that you must value yourself enough to keep searching.

Look for balance. Of course you don't want to take the first person who comes along with no regard to your requirements, needs, and wants. But you also don't want to disregard a person because she has a hangnail either. These are extremes.

When you want to know if you're too picky, ask yourself why you have turned down potential partners in the past. If the reasons seem like flimsy excuses, maybe you're focusing on too many trivial details (he's not a stylish enough dresser, she doesn't like Thai food, he reminds you of a former boss). However, if you know what you require to make a relationship work, you will be able to say with confidence that you are a discerning individual and not just "too picky."

Truthfully, most people do not have a plan when it comes to dating. Having no plan can lead to desperate dating. People without a plan are sleep-walking through their dating experience, repeating the same mistakes, and wondering why others find the love of their lives while they continue to flounder.

But not you! You are reading this article, so you are interested in dating with a purpose. You desire to create a relationship with someone with whom you can be happy. What should you do to get started?

Here are some ideas to set you on your path:

• Get to know who you really are by doing some serious soul-searching. Consider who you are and what you want. What do you enjoy doing in life? What drives you?

• Make a list of your relationship requirements, the things you cannot live without, and you will be better prepared to find what you seek in a relationship.

• Read, read, read all you can about self-improvement and about relationship success. You've already begun this process by reading this article. Cool!

You owe it to yourself to get clarity around this very important topic. I wish you the best of success in your relationships! Michelle

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC

Your Successful Singles Love Coach