Help! I'm attracted to my girlfriend's sister!

Help! I'm attracted to my girlfriend's sister!

I've been dating Jessica (not her real name) for 4 months. We're both in our early thirties, both happen to own businesses which are thriving even in this down economy, and we're both focused on finding the right person for a long-term commitment - marriage andkids - we're both ready for that. It's fun, exciting, and we have a lot in common.

Two months ago, I met her family and was introduced to her other siblings - she has two younger sisters. Great family, parents love me - they're really social, have a lot of gatherings so I'm spending more time at their home now that I've been introduced. I feel like I've found a great second family!

But there's one huge problem. She has a sister who is just 2 years younger - she's single, very sexy, and intelligent - really amazing woman on so many levels. I'm really attracted to her and we really hit it off. I'm finding myself thinking about her all the time andreally drawn to her - physically, mentally, and emotionally. She's not too shy about sharing her interest in me either - as we've had a few chats privately when we've been at some family gatherings.

I hate to say this, but I'm just not that into Jessica anymore and I'm afraid it's getting harder and harder for me to hide that fact. I really want her sister.What's your advice? I want to date her sister, but that can only lead to a disaster. What do you do when you find you're attracted to your girlfriend's sister or even her best friend? I'm sure I'm not the first guy that this has ever happened to. And, I'm certain I won't be the last. What should I do?

Paul from Palo Alto

Paul, I agree with you that dating your girlfriend's sister "can only lead to a disaster." That's thinking about it logically, yet you are attracted to her, which is emotional thinking. My first reaction is to scream, "Get out! Get out now!"

You're right that this is a huge problem. Here's a scenario you may not have thought of: Think of all of the movies out there with a younger sister/best friend who delights in seducing the boyfriend/husband away from her older sister/best friend only to dump him after she's gotten her way and wreaked havoc in her family, destroying the happiness of her sister/best friend and lover in the process. I have no idea if this is the case, however, it's something to consider. What worries me is that you say she's "not too shy about sharing her interest in me either." In my mind, this smacks of game-playing and I would proceed with extreme caution.

You also describe your relationship with Jessica, whom you've been dating for only 4 months as "we're both focused on finding the right person for a long-term commitment - marriage and kids - we're both ready for that. It's fun, exciting, and we have a lot in common." That sounds pretty serious, Paul. If you are that easily swayed by another woman, I would challenge you to slow down regarding both women at this point. You may not be ready for any type of relationship right now. Take some time to work on your Requirements, Needs, and Wants instead of trying to date either sister.

Michelle E. Vásquez, MS, LPC
www.michellevasquez.com
714-717-5744