Dating While Shy

So you're shy and you want to date, but you have a hard time convincing yourself to leave the house and mingle with strangers. Dating is difficult, especially if you are not naturally outgoing. Never fear! You don't need to be the life of the party to try on some new behaviors that will fit with your quiet personality. First of all, change your mind about dating and see what happens. This is not a life-changing event. It's simply an opportunity to meet another human being. That's all.

Imagine that you've agreed to attend an event where you will not know many people. As a shy person, you are naturally nervous about this. You've probably already found a dozen reasons to avoid going. Shy people know what I'm talking about! You dread arriving and seeing a sea of unfamiliar people laughing, talking, and connecting in groups, while you hug the wall and hope someone will take pity on you and begin a conversation. Here's a novel idea: arrive early. Most likely the host of the event will introduce you to the people who arrive after you. You'll have a much easier time mingling with a few people and building on that as more people arrive.

Another idea is to wear something memorable. Think "conversation piece." Some people wear hats or a brightly colored, over-sized piece of jewelry. If you have a fun tie or scarf that always gets comments, go for that. You can even find a button with an intriguing or funny saying on it.

If the event involves wearing a name tag, write some random numbers on yours that mean something to you (2 stands for how many pets you have; 5 stands for how many states you've lived in, for example). Believe me, people will wonder why you have numbers on your name tag and they don't. They will ask. If you have trouble starting a conversation, let your style speak for you. If you don't have a style, create one. Stand out and you may find that people approach you to initiate conversations.

Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. It's amazing how people think you're a great conversationalist when all you've done is ask questions and listen. If you don't know what to ask, think about what you're naturally curious about as you go about your day and notice people. For example, I saw a young woman last night with the cutest hairstyle, reminiscent of the 1940's and I wanted to ask her how she did it. Let your imagination run wild and gather some questions to use at these events. If you're unsure about a question, ask a friend first.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions about this topic. Dating takes practice. Keep practicing these and other techniques you may have picked up along the way. Enjoy yourself in your dating adventures!